![]() This creature manages to walk away from the face-off to terrorize again. In a normal wrestling match, the loss of a competitor’s arm would be the end. ![]() ![]() While the zombie does manage to take a hunk out of the oceanic predator, the shark takes off the zombie’s arm. Interestingly, the outcome isn’t so clear-cut. One of the most famous scenes of Italian director Lucio Fulci’s 1979 “Zombi 2” (released in America as “Zombie”), features a zombie on the bottom of the ocean taking on a shark. Even as star Sarah Polley pulled out of her overrun neighborhood in a car, her recently zomibified husband could keep up with her – and he was barefoot! Granted, these zombies are easily distracted (there’s always some nice living flesh to go after), so a short intense sprint would be perfect for these slavering beasts. Romero’s zombies were slow and stumbling, but in the 2004 remake of Romero’s classic film, director Zack Snyder’s zombies were as fast as Usain Bolt. The medalists: Zombies of “Dawn of the Dead” (the remake) While most zombies would be no match for a man who “kicks ass for the Lord,” these zombies manage to use their ability to successfully fall apart to maximum effect, crunching him on the neck with a head that had been kicked off into the sky. But the scene that highlights these creatures’ athletic potential the most is their face-off against Father McGruder (Stuart Devenie), a man of God who turns out to be as highly skilled in the martial arts as Chow Yun Fat. Peter Jackson’s 1992 comedy horror film features all manner of bizarre zombie mayhem, including a creature with a lawn gnome for a head. They’re willing to run and tackle, and they have just the right amount of patriotism for America’s favorite televised sport (their eyes are bright red that’s a third of the American flag). And the rage-infected men and women of Danny Boyle’s 2002 thriller are the perfect specimens for this task. The successful football player is the one who can aim to take out a rival player without fear for his own safety. OK, let’s forget all that inspirational Coach Taylor pep talk stuff about teamwork and aspiring to be better people. The medalists: Infected of “28 Days Later” What’s most important is that these walking corpses show the kind of impressive coordination that would make most breathing men and women jealous. True, the zombies in director John Landis’ epic music video for Michael Jackson never go near water, but come on, they’re dead bodies! Floating is second nature. Granted, a zombie dressage event will most likely end with horse guts strewn about the field, but for a beautiful (if temporary) collaboration between horse and zombie, these shamblers are the best in the biz. Instead, surrounding a horse through overwhelming numbers can provide ample incentive to get the horse to go wherever you need. Forget using a harness or a carrot and stick. But in the first episode of AMC’s hit drama series, the undead showed the best way to train a horse. They’re generally fixated on the flesh of living Homo sapiens. Zombies don’t usually get to display their ability with animals. The medalists: Zombies of “The Walking Dead” Drawn by the sound of singing on the other side of a wall, the zombies pile on in a gold-medal-level display of teamwork, coordination and balance. Witness their ability to form into a human pyramid during the film’s Israeli section. But the infected creatures of “World War Z” show a willingness to work together to achieve their goals that would make team gymnasts everywhere proud. More often it’s every ghoul for his or her self. Teamwork is not usually a cherished zombie trait. The winners get gold medals the losers get shivved in the brain pan. To honor the diversity and breadth of accomplishment in the current world of the undead, we humbly present the first Zombie Olympics. These days, some zombies can run, other zombies can climb and still other zombies can actually ask for their favorite meal by name (Brains!). Films like “World War Z” and series like “The Walking Dead” show off zombies in enlightening new ways and raise new possibilities for just what these zombies are capable of. But thanks to a variety of recent interpretations of the hungry dead, our view of zombies as rotting gluttons barely able to keep themselves together is beginning to change. But for most of their 45-year history on-screen, the modern image of the flesh-eating ghoul from beyond the grave was shambling and slow-witted, succeeding solely through overwhelming numbers and gross human error. Zombies generally aren’t regarded as the most athletic of film monsters.
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